yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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