just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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