When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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