and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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