if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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