THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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