wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the day after is always just damage control
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
