good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
