She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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