Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
