dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
