I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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