Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
