they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
