I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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