It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
