True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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