I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am available for nakedness
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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