we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
