If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
