Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
