Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
