I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
