my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
