Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
