After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
