I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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