Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that's an acceptable place to lick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
