ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
