I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
