epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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