I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize