some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
