I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
PANTIES FOUND
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
