That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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