There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need a beard to bite.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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