btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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