:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize