everyone is single if you try hard enough
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
