I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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