it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize