Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
