Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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