i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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