is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize