You're my little dorito
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
