Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize