Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
