WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
