Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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