I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize