First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
