I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
