I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
