Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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