She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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