Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
