she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
