So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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