it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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