Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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