I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
