I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
