His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I could fuck to npr.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
