I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize