I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So vagazzling was a success
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
