is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
