whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
