He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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