He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
