I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
