then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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